Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
