I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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