Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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