I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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