Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
