so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
