I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
