I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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