I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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