Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
