I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
