Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
