just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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