Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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