I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
