So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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