yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
