I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
