community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
