Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
