I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
