You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
