so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
