Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
