Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
