The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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