is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
