just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
