standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
