dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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