All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
