Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
