Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
