and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
