you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
