Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
