Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
