highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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