I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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