When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
