No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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