try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
