last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
last night I used snow as a chaser
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
