i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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