I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
