i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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