so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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