i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my poor anus
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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