i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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