Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When are your genitals available?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
